REAL EYES REALIZE REAL LIES (FAKE LOVE IN OUR SOCIETY TODAY).

Have you ever asked yourself why sometimes it’s so difficult to distinguish between real love and fake love in the relationships we find ourselves engaged in? How can we really define a fake relationship? In my point of view, it’s an illusion that we have come to believe in, an illusion of a long lasting real relationship. Many of us are in fake relationships, without even knowing. What you might be having is an affair and real relationships take a lot of efforts, no doubts there, but eventually they are always better than fake ones simply because fake relationships are self-centered.

There is a big difference between someone just saying those lovey-dovey things to you and someone that actually means those things. There are a lot of things that need to be considered in order to be in a ‘real relationship’ because one can easily manipulate someone and fool them into believing that they actually love them as I vividly explained it in my previous article. Mostly people try to get in relationships just to get in their ‘pants’ or it’s more like a ‘time-pass’ kind of a thing.

Why did I mention that a fake relationship only concerns for itself in the beginning of this article? This is because there are always some predictable red flags to indicate that you are in fake oriented relationship. The following are the signs that you need to keep an eye on and prevent yourself from being manipulated and fooled:

1. The communication sucks 😣

Good communication is a requisite for a healthy relationship. If you are in a relationship where you two barely communicate, you can’t recall the last time you had a heart to heart conversation with your partner, you just text each other every once in a while, it’s just on and off, you are unaware of what’s going on in the other person’s life and it generally feels like you don’t know the other person then you’re not really in a relationship. You form a real bond only when you feel connected with your partner; emotionally, physically and mentally.

For example, if we talk about long distance relationships. The communication is kind of the only thing the two have. They don’t get to see each other every day, they don’t get to go on a date with each other either, texting and calling each other is the only thing they have. Now, in order to stay together, they have to talk nearly all day long. You have to text them all the time to know what’s up, you have to call quite often to know how they are doing, maybe a video call sometimes and go on a virtual date. Anyway, be it a long distance one or a normal relationship, the communication has to be there. It doesn’t really mean you have to text your loved one every second of the day, but you should know what’s happening in their lives, how their day was and so on and so forth. You have GOT to have those long night conversations every once a while, that time where only you two are together and there’s no one else to distract both of you. As time goes by intimacy will start manifesting itself in the relationship thus fostering transparency. If you get to know normal day-to-day things about YOUR loved one through social media or someone else or even their birthdays from a Facebook notification, you’re definitely not in a real relationship.

2. Too much PDA (Public Display of Affection)🙄

This might come as a surprise, you two are practically nibbling on each other, isn’t that a good thing? No, it isn’t. This is indicative of over-compensatory and ostentatious behaviour. You are trying to put on a show, a make-believe. It’s a way of maintaining the illusion that you guys have created, to lie to yourself and the others around you. You might be in a fake relationship and still manage to hear things like; ‘What a perfect couple you guys are’, ‘You make us want to have a relationship’ etc. If you guys are not this crazy about each other in private but can’t keep your hands off each other as soon as you have company, then you have a few questions to ask. This is not really something very unique, there are many real life couples that actually do this. They put up a show every time they are out hanging with their friends, or at a party, dinner or whatever it is. They hold each other and smile together when they are in front of other people but as soon as they get in the car to go back to their home, it’s totally the opposite.

You both need to talk to each other, know what’s going in the wrong direction and ask each other questions like do you even want to stay with each other.

It is kind of sweet, seeing a couple holding hands or kissing. I mean, obviously, kissing in public shouldn’t be one of those prolonged ones that end up in making out, and there shouldn’t be grabbing in public either, but a little PDA is sweet though it can be easily deceiving. Overcompensating for something going in your life in front of people is not something new, and it surely isn’t limited to relationships either. PDA can even, sometimes, seem forced. It’s a pretty common saying that appearances can be deceiving.

So, it is not always the way it looks like. If you see a couple smiling and holding hands together out in public, it doesn’t really mean they are happy together.

3. There are no remarkable moments 🤔

The relationship just feels ‘normal’, nothing special. You guys don’t have any exceptional memories together and there are no extra ordinary feelings attached to the time you guys spend together. This shouldn’t be the case, love is an exceptional feeling and if it feels anything less than amazing, you’re not really in love.

It doesn’t really have to be something big like a big event or moment. Even small tiny things, like the inside jokes and having cute nicknames for each other, can mean a lot. There has to be something that you both can relate to, again, it doesn’t have to be big, just something that can make you either remember a sweet memory or even laugh together. Something that you see and makes you think about your partner, something that makes you miss them. For example, some post you see on a social networking site and it reminds you of that person and you tag them. It can be a video, song, picture or whatever but what I’m trying to say here is that, even something as little as a post on Facebook, Instagram etc can really mean a lot.

It can also be a movie you both saw together, a place you went to on your first date, or like I said, anything which HAS to be there because if there isn’t anything like this then bad news, you’re in a fake union.

You have to feel different when you are in the relationship with that person. A feeling that you have never experienced before because you can feel nice with a friend as well, you can have memories too but to have that unexplainable feeling is what you can attain with that one person you really love.

4. There is a lot of confusion 😵

Initially, we all are a little bit hazy, not sure what to feel or if it’s okay to feel this way, unsure of your partner’s feelings, spending hours contemplating whether he or she loves me or not;but after you have spent notable time with your partner and you can’t really give substance to how you feel or if your partner truly loves you and you are not trying to do anything about this disarray of feelings and continue to profess love then this is a classic sign of a fake relationship.

This is one of the things that you really DON’T want to have in your head while in a relationship. There has to be trust and you have got to be completely sure about this person, because you want to spend your whole life with this particular person. Even if it takes asking your partner, if he or she loves you or not, a hundred times, do that. Be a hundred and ten percent sure about that person, and then decide because you don’t want to live with this confused feeling your whole life and end up regretting. And it is not just them, YOU yourself has to be sure about them as well. You don’t have to lie to yourself and stay with that person just to make them happy or just because you were forced to. If you don’t feel certain about that person, go and talk to them and try to make them understand you, because sometimes it can happen that you fall for someone and after a couple of months, you realize that it’s not really the best idea for the both of you. So instead of lying to yourself and ruining the other person’s life as well, talk to them if you’re having doubts and then decide what to do.

Having those little confusions and misunderstandings are okay and everyone goes through them. You may even fight a couple of times with your partner over different things but at the end of the day, you have got to have assurance that, no matter what happens, he or she loves you and will stay with you besides, when both parties are fighting, they should be fighting together maturely and responsibly against the current issue and it shouldn’t be against each other.

5. Serious discussions are off limits 😑

This is an extension of bad communication. A couple has silly conversations as well as serious discussions. You are wrong to think that a perfect relationship is one with no arguments and heated discussions. A happy couple talks about things that matter and it does not affect their love for each other. If you guys avoid having consequential conversations and talk about superficial things like the weather, then your relationship is too good to be true. If you really care about things, then there is no way you can go without arguments every now and then. Opening up in front of someone is not really easy, telling that someone everything about you, your secrets, is not easy. Having that courage to open up in front of your partner is what’s needed. But if you two don’t know the real ins and outs about each other, for example, stuff from each other’s past then well, you both need to sit down and have that talk pronto.

Every couple fights at one point or another, over one thing or another. It shows the passion is still in the relationship. I’m not saying every couple should fight with each other all the time, but having a real argument about something reasonable and I repeat reasonable is okay. For example, if you two do not argue about anything at all, it can mean that you two don’t really care about each other.

When I said ‘communication between the two is really important and that the couple should talk with each other more often’, I didn’t mean to only talk about the weather and the day and all, you have got to have those private conversations as well. It doesn’t always have to be that serious, even talking about something fun together is good. Also, you have to look for the things they share with you, and the things they want to have with you.

If they talk about a future ‘together’, like you two can talk about going to places together, have kids together, plan your future together you are in real relationship. But if they ignore these topics and try to talk about something else when you start talking about these, this is the relationship you don’t want to be involved in.

6. There is a power struggle 😡

Letting go of your egos is essential for a sustainable relationship. You are in a relationship where someone always has to be right, it doesn’t matter how it affects your relationship, all that matters is being right! This means that there is a lack of love in the relationship, because when you are in love you are more flexible, more concerned about your partner’s feelings and being right doesn’t always matter.

Remember, winning an argument is not really a victory in a relationship. Comprising is a big part of a healthy relationship. There can be times where the other person is wrong but you have got to step down to end the fight or the argument. There is a chance that they understand what you are trying to say, some other time. Maybe they were having a bad time, they were mad at something else and your argument made them react in a way they normally wouldn’t have. Now, if you think that the perfect outcome of an argument with your partner is the one where you are always right in the end then it is not true love at all. You clearly don’t care about your partner, all you care about is being right and that’s what I would refer to as being self-centered.

If you can cross your limits just to prove a point to someone, then that means your ego is enormous and you don’t care about that person. You can be right, but that doesn’t mean that you can say just anything to the other person. You have got to be careful about their feelings as well. If a person can let go their ego and admit a fault they did not even commit, just for you, there is no other person more appropriate for you than this one.

7. There is sexual chemistry…ONLY! 🍑🍆🤤

You guys are too hot for each other in bed, but when it comes to talking and communication you guys are clueless or just not interested. The only way you guys feel in sync is by means of physical contact. This simply means that you are in a carnal relationship and once the infatuation dies, so will the relationship. This is a very common, characteristic sign of a relationship being timely.

‘Friends with benefits’ is clearly not the relationship you’re looking for here. The relationship where you want to have real feelings, trust, passion and feel loved. It was said earlier in the article that mostly a relationship is created just to ‘get in your pants’. Many guys try to do that nowadays, they will say things to the girl that will make her feel like on top of the world, feel like she’s the only one for this guy, feel really loved, but it is only to have sexual relations with that girl (Human Puppet Effect). Girls are considered to be emotional and have more feelings than the guys. Guys use this very fact to their advantage and use their feelings to get in bed with them. The guys know what the girls want to hear, so they start talking like that and make them feel they are in a true relationship. Again, not every guy is like that. This will be a topic for another day.

People can come across as tempting and attractive, usually at the initial stages of the relationship. This is because they are trying to win you over. They will try to flirt more with you, make you feel nice, seduce you in different ways and act like they are head over heels for you just to get what they want. Now there is definitely nothing wrong with all these flirting and romance, but the problem here is that, they are doing this, not because they are really interested in you, they are doing this just to get in bed with you; it’s a trap unless you don’t really give a damn about it 😂

8. You don’t know each other’s family and friends 😕

A person who is serious about you and wants to make you a part of his or her life, will always introduce you to his or her friends and family. If it’s been a while and you still haven’t met each other’s family and it doesn’t seem to bother one or both of you, this means the person doesn’t want to get ‘too involved’ and has set limits to how far the relationship will go.

Doing this can mean a couple of things. One is that the person is not sure about you at all. He or she thinks that this relationship won’t last for long and you two will eventually break up so why bother to make you meet his or her parents or friends? Second, he or she is not interested in you at all. This can be for, as it was said earlier, for sexual reasons or time pass. So again, he or she won’t bother and invite you to meet his or her friends or family.

And it is not just up to them, you have to ask them as well, because if you don’t care about meeting his or her friends or family either, then well, there is no love and affection from your side either. If the person is really into you, and sees a future with you, he or she will happily want to know more about your friends and family, and yearn to meet them as well. Similarly, the reverse is true since the relationship is two way traffic. If there is true love and that ‘we’ll stay together forever’ feeling, then he will want you to meet his circle of friends and his family too.

References : Victorino .Q. Abrugar.

Images : Pinterest.

Writer : Wycliffe Murimi.

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